Zmora
by Soullen
Summary: Where Kirsten have to face her fears, there is only one person who can help her. (nightmare trope. Kirsten's POV)


**Zmora [ˈzmɔ.ra]**

 **Noun**

 _zmora [feminine]_

 _1\. (chiefly figuratively) bane, nightmare (a cause of misery)_

 _2\. (in folklore) a Slavic demon, which suffocates people during sleep and fills them with nightmares of their biggest fears._

* * *

She wakes up at 4 am and can't sleep. The nightmares are taking hold again and all she can think about is that corpse cassette. Usually she's just drink something listen to calming music and stare at the sky until dawn and until her eyes are too tired to stay open and her mind too confused to think, but this time is different. Something triggered her and she can't even remember what it was. Something she saw in the dream made her fear not only about his, but also about her life.

She tries her best to calm down, but nothing is working and she doesn't want Camille to find out. She had enough problems, she doesn't need Kirsten's night terrors as the next addiction to the list.

2 hours later she finds herself dressed in hoodie and jeans. It's cold outside and she needs to run, because right now it's the only way of stopping this train of thoughts.

She takes her phone, puts on headphones and runs. She does not know where, she just wants to be away from it. Whatever "it" is. _Turn right, turn left, turn left tu_ _r_ _n right, go straight_ directions and destinations keep appearing in her head as if she would be a robot. _Right, left, right, straight, left._ So it's no surprise that she doesn't even notice when she ends up in the front of his apartment's door.

She looks confused at it and thinks _'What the hell?'._ Apparently her brain claims it has a cure for all the craziness and that this cure is talking to him. At 6 am. _Nice, Kirsten, you've outdone yourself this time._

She is about to walk away, but then it hits her. What if it will really help her? What if it's only way to slay her inner demons? Get rid of the fear?

Kirsten hesitates for a moment... and then knocks. He will be mad, that's sure. She already knows how he reacts to being woken up too early, but if this is the only way then she must face her nightmares.

He opens door with his glasses on and very annoyed face, but then his expression changes immediately the moment he sees Kirsten. _I must look very awful if he acts that way._

"Do you have any idea what hour it is?" ha asks, but his voice is quiet.

"6 am. I checked on my phone." she replies and looks at him like he just asked most stupid question in the world. Just because she doesn't have any idea of time doesn't mean that she doesn't know how to use clock.

"You know what I mean, Kirsten. You can't just wake up people whenever you want just because you've lost your track of time."

"You know what?" he says in pretentious voice. "I came her because... " she stops herself in the middle of sentence. Explaining why she came won't make it better. It will make it exact opposite of better. He snapped at her and she knows he was right, so she just decides to retreat. This was bad idea in the first place and she has no intention of making it worse. "Forget it." she tries to turn around but he grabs her arm and makes it impossible her her to walk away just like that. To walk away like it never happened, like she didn't just come to him for the selfish and _weak_ motives.

"Kirsten... " his voice softens. "I'm sorry. Would you tell me what happened?" he says gently.

She is still not facing him, her eyes on the ground and her arm still held my his hand. It's too much. It's Mia's party all over again. She wants to tell him, for sure, but that would be equal with voicing her feelings and she hasn't come in terms with them herself. "And why would you care?"

"You clearly woke me up for _something._ So you can either stand there and pretend it didn't happen or tell me what's wrong." At this point he released her arm, but she still can't face him. This is him giving her space, him reading her mind because pretending was _exactly_ her plan. And when he knows there is no escape and no room for pretending. She must face him and her fears. So she turns around and looks into his eyes. She is not ready for words and hopes she can tell without telling.

Cameron _sees_ her. Not just looks at her, he always _see_ her for who she is. The same way she saw him when she discovered his scar. And that scares her the most. Being vulnerable makes you an easy pray for the sticks and stones of is not sure if she can let that happen.

So she transforms her gaze into connection. He can read connections like no one else; he will know what she means. The moment is intense and they both feel it, she doesn't need to say anything. It's working, he got the idea. He won't ask. For now...

"Why won't you come in and sit on the couch? I'll make you some tea."

Kirsten walks into apartment, sits and quietly waits until he will close the door and go to kitchen. She needs some distraction from all the things that run though her head, but sadly she can't find any. There's no geeky magazine on a table nor anything that she could watch to take her mind from awkwardness of her present situation. She is aware that they need to talk about it, but she still needs a head start, something that will let her tell him without any stronger feelings involved. Without him finding out about things she's not ready to share yet. So all she can do right now it's just staring at the space and waiting for him to come back with some food and tea. She looks at the window: sun started to rise and it's already dawn. She should have gone the moment he gave her out, but she stayed instead and now she regrets this decision. _Focus, Kirsten. Stop thinking and start talking for 1 second._

"Why did you let me in?" she asks, intrigued if he had any other reasons then her looking like a shipwreck and waking him up at 6 am for apparently no particular cause.

"What, Stretch? You thought I'm gonna leave you there without movie and good food? No way." she smiles,but it's sad smile. Banter. Yeah, _something_ definitely changed between them in the moment she looked at him back there in the front of his door. Now he is pretending it didn't happen and covering it all up with sass and cheery voice, because he thinks it's what she wishes for. It's not. Just just wishes to get this over with in a way that won't hurt. Until then she must play along.

"Well aren't you a Good Samaritan?"

He brings some food: not much just few sandwiches and snacks. He sits next to her and they eat in silence for longer while. It's ironic, really, how silence can be the only thing to make you talk. She can't stand it anymore. It was exactly what she asked from him: to not mention it, to not talk about it, yet it's the opposite of what she wanted. _Be careful what you wish for, Kirsten._ This silence is making her mad and she's not sure how long she can take it.

"You know why I came here?" she looks at his face again and he looks surprised. He thought she will never explain her weird behavior. That it's meant to be forgotten. He puts his sandwich away, stares at her with his curious eyes and waits.

"I..." she stops for few seconds. She must do this now or never, but it still doesn't change the fact it's hard thing to talk about. "I came here because I have nightmares. Recurring nightmares that come back to me every night." She tries to avoid telling him as many details as she can. He does not need to know more than necessary. "And I think you can help me deal with it. I don't want to bother Camille anymore."

"So how can I help you, Stretch?" he asks with concern in his voice.

"Can I... Could you... watch over me as I fell asleep on your couch? You could calm me down if I wake up after nightmare again."

He looks confused, but doesn't question it. "Sure I'll watch over you, Little Darling."

She falls asleep quickly and doesn't dream at all. Just this one time she can have a peaceful sleep. Month later she gathers a courage and explains whole thing. He understands. He _sees._ There's nothing wrong with her. Nothing wrong with feeling scared of loss.

She _sees_ him, too. She always does.

 _ **A/N:**_ _The thing about seeing each other is reference to Avatar's "I see you" which means loving someone for who they are no matter what they do or how they change._


End file.
